glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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