Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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