Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
