cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it hurts more in the daytime
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
