I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
