And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
