I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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