it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
