dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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