You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
