Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
