It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
