hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize