I can text with my tongue
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
