How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
