You smell like a Billy Joel song
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
