I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
