And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
