They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
