Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
