dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
