4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
