dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
