where am i from again
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
