Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
