I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
