I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
