3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
