Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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