Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
