She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
