Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
