Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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