im having a threesome with these popsicles
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
