I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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