i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
