The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
