mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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