even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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