Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
