so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize