I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
