Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize