She is in my trunk
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
