my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
