That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
