White coat. Heels.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
