Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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