I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
