Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
