i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
