guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
how does that bad decision feel?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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