i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
