youre lurking in front of me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
