My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize