my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I need moral support for this bender
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
