Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
