3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize