My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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