jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
