her vagine was all disorganized.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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