She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
