There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
whose ass print is on the piano?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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