Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
