I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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