no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
