It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
