3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
