Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
